Yesterday was moving day.
It was also the day
I learned
my grandfather
suffered from a stroke
leaving his mind intact,
but his body immobile
7 weeks ago.
Yesterday
was also the day
his son
(my father)
uncovered
the situation
the situation
because his mother
said she had
asked
said she had
asked
his father
if he wanted her
to tell him
to tell him
and he indicated
(with his eyes and left hand,
his only body parts
left unparalysed)
How
has it come
to this?
It’s complicated
is a simple phrase
that explains the sum total
yet nothing at all.
It would take
until the end of the earth
to dissect
the layers of hurt
encasing the hearts
of this family unit.
And so
it is regret
and pain
and love
that has slit a hole
in the hard outer casing
letting the viscera
of the heart
flow
in tears
and words unsaid.
With my father left
to pick up the pieces
of a family
shattered
into sharp fragments
of fragile glass
which prick the finger
wherever he dares to touch.
In tragedy,
In tragedy,
fairness
and pride
and pride
leave a gaping hole
which is filled by
the burden of
doing what is right
no matter what has gone before.
I
inherit
a fraction of the pain
through my
love
for my father
and
distant childhood memories
of sunny afternoons
talking
books and politics
and sporadic
birthday cards
in the mail.
And although
there is nothing
I can do,
I am reminded
to be true.
I am reminded
to let go
of fear
and resentment,
and choose love.
For none of us
are saints
or islands
or islands
no matter how hard
we try.
We can only
live
with ourselves,
among others,
among others,
and the choices we make,
the best way we know how.
So let us make
good choices
(right choices)
(right choices)
along the way
and avoid
the imminent regret
that will plague us
on a hospital bed
unable to say
I’m sorry
or
I love you.
Unable to afford
our loved ones
the right to say
I forgive you
and
I love you, too.
And so
when we
leave this world
our legacy
transcends
tears
and words unsaid
and a poem
written by a granddaughter
who never knew
him/
(us)/
(you).
6 comments:
I'm so sorry, Laura, for you and for your Dad.
This is a beautiful poem. xx
I hope you and your family are all okay, my heart goes out to them. On the other hand, this is a gorgeous poem. Your blog is so inspiring xxx
Beautiful words Laura, very moving. I'm so sorry for your family. Thinking of you x
oh reading that makes me feel empty and shocked for you. hope you are alright laura, how intense and scary - hope as times moves on you start to feel stronger and look after yourself. take care.
Thank you all so much for your kind words. xx
Oh honey! I am devastated for you. Truly thinking and hurting for you and your family right now. Take care. xxxx
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