Yesterday, via her blog, Sarah Wilson introduced me to a TED talk that moved me to tears. The speaker's name is Brene Brown, and she talks about wholeheartedness.
To put it simply...
Connection is why we're here.
Yet we struggle to connect.
What stands in the way of connection is shame: the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that if other people know or see it I won't be worthy of connection?
The key to overcoming shame is believing that we are worthy of love and belonging.
We feel worthy by living wholeheartedly, with:
Courage, in the true sense of the world, which is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. The courage to be imperfect.
Compassion, to be kind to ourselves first and then to others (which is the only way).
Authenticity, a willingness to let go of who we should be to be who we are.
Vulnerability, a belief that what makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful.
Nowadays, we numb vulnerability, through:
Addiction.
Making everything uncertain (religion, politics) certain.
Perfecting. (Our faces, bodies... our children).
Blame.
Pretending that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.
The problem is that we cannot selectively numb emotion. It is impossible to numb vulnerability, fear, shame, disappointment without also numbing joy, happiness, creativity and gratitude. So we find ourselves feeling miserable, looking for meaning, feeling vulnerable... then we numb ourselves again.
There is another way.
- Let ourselves be seen. Deeply seen. Vulnerably seen.
- Love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee.
- Practice gratitude and joy. Lean into those moments. Feel alive.
- Most importantly, believe that we are enough.
I love it.
I think Brene has invoked such a strong response because she has pinpointed exactly what is holding so many of us back. Fear is often cited; but shame, specifically, is what we tend to hide behind. As Brene says, there are no clear rules or steps we can take as a means of shedding that shame. It's simply a case of embracing our true selves; and perceiving the unconditional love we have for ourselves as a safe harbour always waiting to welcome us from the deep, dark world beyond, no matter what happens in its depths. With that security will come the courage to be vulnerable; to feel, to love, to desire, to connect with our whole hearts.
Wholeheartedly.
I think Brene has invoked such a strong response because she has pinpointed exactly what is holding so many of us back. Fear is often cited; but shame, specifically, is what we tend to hide behind. As Brene says, there are no clear rules or steps we can take as a means of shedding that shame. It's simply a case of embracing our true selves; and perceiving the unconditional love we have for ourselves as a safe harbour always waiting to welcome us from the deep, dark world beyond, no matter what happens in its depths. With that security will come the courage to be vulnerable; to feel, to love, to desire, to connect with our whole hearts.
Wholeheartedly.
"Accept who you are; and revel in it."
— Mitch Albom
This is a famous photograph by 20th Century French art photographer Edouard Boubat, called Not in Knightsbridge Anymore.
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