My job and I have a love/hate relationship. I love what I do. But some mornings I dread going into work. Partly because what is waiting for me at home is so much more fun and fulfilling and cosy; and also because the workday can sometimes be less than pleasant. I won't go into details (there's nothing worse than having to listen to somebody complain about their job!) but I'm sure you catch my drift, especially if you have worked as part of a professional team as a non-boss... gossip, backstabbing, passive-aggressive behaviour, micro-managing, pessimism, blame, competing egos, stress. And, if you are anything like me, being caught in the middle, trying not to be involved but, as neutral ground, being the ear to everybody's intertwining, conflicting grievances and a hopelessly ineffective peace maker.
It's hard not to let the dramatics drag you down into the cesspool. No matter how brimming with optimism I am when I walk through the door, I seem to get sucked in. And go home feeling exhausted and defeated.
So how do we stay happy? Float above it all, with our grace intact? Well, I haven't mastered it myself. But on my best days, I try to keep these things in mind...
- Be assertive. (Avoid passive-aggressive behaviour.) Just be honest, direct and upfront. It helps to prevent misunderstanding and underlying resentment, which taints and stifles the air.
- Steer clear of gossip. It's all too easy to be wrong about people. And it's not nice.
- Be kind and forgiving. People make mistakes. Nobody is perfect, not even me.
- Don't take things personally.
- Immerse myself in the work. Take pleasure in it.
- Don't be too invested. If things don't go well, just let it go. It's only work. Don't bring it home, or let it get me down.
- Remember that work doesn't define me.
- Work hard and do my best. That's all I can do.
Of course we all know to not get attached to other people’s crap. We’ve read the self-help books, downloaded the podcasts. But rarely do we live out such wisdom. Such considered detachment, I think, is the most challenging behaviour in the human repertoire. How did Laura do it? “Every moment I simply committed to end my suffering,” she says. Which was an achievable goal because it was something she could control. [...]
“Plus, I visualised,” she says. When her husband got nasty, she’d see it as the game it was. “Like a ball thrown at me. I could catch it and hurl it back. Or let it drop.”
Of course, it's all easier said than done. And some days, there is nothing I'd love to do more than laze around and complain and say nasty things. But I always regret it, in the end.
Of course, it's all easier said than done. And some days, there is nothing I'd love to do more than laze around and complain and say nasty things. But I always regret it, in the end.
After all, work shouldn't wound us. Isn't its purpose to make our lives better, easier, more fruitful? So let us commit to, willfully distracted by our happiness, allowing the balls of negativity to drop latent at our feet.
"From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead. Take control and choose to focus on what is important in your life. Those who cannot live fully often become destroyers of life."
— Anaïs Nin
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