Last month, I had scare. It was just that, so there's no need to go into details, but it was significant, because it was one of those scares during which, for that moment in time, life as you know it hangs in the balance, under a microscope, in a stark, unflattering, unfamiliar light, begging questions such as: Where am I at in my life? What have I done with it? What do I have to show for myself? Am I happy? What do I love? What matters to me? What makes my heart sing? What do I want my life to be? Am I on the way there? Or on another path altogether?
It's moments like these, and questions like these, that whittle life down to what is really important.
Neil deGrasse Tyson sums it up beautifully:
I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far this gets you.
I'd have to tack on a third, less noble, more selfish motivation: to find and partake in love, in its many forms and faces.
Since that moment, I have acquired my much longed-for puppy. I re-instigated my book writing venture. I bought fitness clothes. (OK, my investment in a life of wellness may have stalled there but... baby steps!) I chipped away at my "to read" mountain of books, feasting on art and words and knowledge. And, most significantly, I became engaged to be married to the man I love.
Since that moment, I have acquired my much longed-for puppy. I re-instigated my book writing venture. I bought fitness clothes. (OK, my investment in a life of wellness may have stalled there but... baby steps!) I chipped away at my "to read" mountain of books, feasting on art and words and knowledge. And, most significantly, I became engaged to be married to the man I love.
There are other things I want, of course. Like to learn to cook and play the cello and get a bicycle and countless other things... but they are not essential to my happiness. Time and resources are finite, so I have to prioritise. I have to choose - distinguish - what is really important, to me.
It has dawned on me that I have, slowly but surely, been closing the gap between the wanting - the state of longing - and the becoming, the getting. I am emerging from limbo, a floating dream-state of lists and aspirations and rhetoric, and reaching a place where the earth feels firm beneath my feet. The world is not spinning beneath me; I am traipsing upon it.
I read a wonderful New York Times essay the other day, The Busy Trap. Its author, Tim Kreider, concluded:
It has dawned on me that I have, slowly but surely, been closing the gap between the wanting - the state of longing - and the becoming, the getting. I am emerging from limbo, a floating dream-state of lists and aspirations and rhetoric, and reaching a place where the earth feels firm beneath my feet. The world is not spinning beneath me; I am traipsing upon it.
I read a wonderful New York Times essay the other day, The Busy Trap. Its author, Tim Kreider, concluded:
My own resolute idleness has mostly been a luxury rather than a virtue, but I did make a conscious decision, a long time ago, to choose time over money, since I’ve always understood that the best investment of my limited time on earth was to spend it with people I love. I suppose it’s possible I’ll lie on my deathbed regretting that I didn’t work harder and say everything I had to say, but I think what I’ll really wish is that I could have one more beer with Chris, another long talk with Megan, one last good hard laugh with Boyd. Life is too short to be busy.
Life can be hard, and complicated, and sometimes we are rendered choiceless by misfortune or circumstances beyond our control. But whenever we are lucky enough to choose where our lives will lead us, it's really very simple, and oh-so-cliché. Follow your heart. Do what you love. Love what you do. And in your spare time, do things you love with people you love. You can't go wrong; it's the only way.
P.S. Some gratuitous pictures of my puppy, Charlie. Apologies to my twitter followers who have been bombarded with him! I know I am biased but he really is the best, cutest, loveliest, cuddliest puppy in the entire world.
3 comments:
Congratulations on your engagement and your gorgeous puppy Laura! You are such a beautiful girl and your blog posts touch my heart!
Love, loved this post, was a pleasure to read and while you had a 'scare' you are clearly not dwelling on it but rather using is as a means to achieve what you want to and be thankful for all that you have.
Congrats on the engagement too! Very exciting!
This post is so lovely Laura. I'm so glad that you're feeling so wonderful and are figuring out how to be happy! I'm so happy for you and Andy and also that Charlie is now a part of your little family! xxxx
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